Heartbreak and triumph!

I had to look up to see when the last time I wrote was. My last post was about finding a balance between all my children. I haven't perfected it by any means but it's gotten better. Weston is sleeping better at night, well most nights anyway. Rylee is healing well and walking while holding onto things. Troy is being 2, throwing a tantrum one minute and helpful the next. He really is a good kid but 2 is a hard age.


I went back to work last week. It was nice to be back but I dearly missed my kids. I would say that Rylee had the hardest time. The first few nights she clung to me and cried in the morning when I left. All in all, we're doing well as a family.


In the last week I got an eye opener. My grandma is in the hospital. She's sick, the sickest I have ever seen her. I told Dr. C, who is also her doctor, that he couldn't let her die, not right now. He just looked at me and said sooner or later it will happen. I know that time will come and I can't even stomach the thought. I haven't gotten to visit with her much lately not only because I don't have a ton of time (which is extremely awful to say because I should've made time) but because she's getting harder and harder to visit with which breaks my heart. I long for the Grandma I had when I was little, the Grandma who played cards with me at the kitchen table in their old farmhouse, the Grandma who hugged me tight after I miscarried my first baby, the Grandma who was always baking. I miss her. She's feisty and stubborn inside, but it's not in her eyes anymore. I will always remember those special times with her. My kids will always know what a great woman she is. I didn't get to visit her today. I hope, pray rather, that she is doing better. I am not ready to let her go. Not right now. She may not be the same Grandma she was 15 years ago, but she's still Grandma. She's a great person, through and through. She still worries about her family, prays for her family and is proud of her family. I look up to her. I hope she kicks this bug's ass all the way to the moon and back.


I love this song!