Hmmm...How?

I find myself becoming overwhelmed when I have one child eating, one getting into something, causing mischief and the other crying to be held.  I don't know how as 1 person I am suppose to feed, correct and calm 3 kids.  It's something that I hope to learn to balance overtime but for right now, I take the most urgent.  I am also finding that I feel guilty when I can't spend that time with each child like I used to.  I used to dread bedtime but cherished the moments that Troy and I shared whether it be the stories we told each other or the cuddling time right before he fell asleep.  I loved the moments that I got with Rylee when we were playing or bathing or just sitting cuddled together.  Now I can't balance that time.  I find myself feeling guilty if I am holding Weston and Rylee is crying.  Or cuddling Rylee and Troy is off in a corner playing by himself.  I hate to say but I think Troy has gotten the shaft.  I have noticed that Kris and I are both doing it.  The other 2 kids require more attention therefore Troy is getting less.  For example, tonight we were going to have leftovers for supper but Troy wanted a peanut butter sandwich (at this point, if he asks for something like a PB sandwich, we give it to him because it might be the only thing he'll eat all day, picky picky eater) so I made him one.  That child sat at the dinner table by himself, eating his PB sandwich while I wrangled with Rylee and tried to feed Weston at the same time.  It wasn't until he asked for more PB sandwich, that I realized I had left him to eat by himself.  Our rule at our dinner table is that no one gets up until everyone is done eating just so that no one has to eat alone.  And I made him eat alone.  My heart throbs to go back and change that moment.  I find that a lot lately with all the kids.  I haven't quite fell into a knack for this mom of 3 role yet.  I thought that bringing Rylee home and transitioning to 2 kids was harder than this time but I don't think so.  I think it was hard when Rylee came home because of the monitors and oxygen and her requiring so much time.  This time, I can't hold all 3 kids on my lap and snuggle with them all at the same time like I could when it was just Troy and Rylee.  I never want to wish my children older, but I am hoping that once Weston can hold his own a little more, than we'll be able to manage a little better.  We are also in dire need of a schedule.  For whatever reason, we can not get a routine set at all!  I am just plain frustrated tonight.  It's 9:15 pm and Troy and Rylee are both still up playing.  I can't for the life of me get them to lay down eventually they should tucker themselves out, I hope.  Once they do, Little Man will wake and be awake all night.  The joys of motherhood.  Maybe in 10 years, we'll get some rest but not right now. 

Tomorrow, we are busy running around.  We have Weston's weight check at 9:45 am in Cuba City and Rylee's post-op appointment in Madison with Neurosurgery at 12:20 pm.  This means that I have enough time to run Weston to get his weight checked, run home grab the other 2 kids and some sandwiches and chips and head off to Madison.  It should be fun, me and 3 kids, stitches removal.  Oh lord, help me.  I am scared.  I pray Troy behaves, Rylee doesn't vomit and Weston doesn't scream his head off.  Say a prayer for me for tomorrow.  It shall be interesting.

Good night all.